People pleaser definition
My definition of being a people pleaser is ‘Doing something for someone else that somehow feels unfair, does not sit well with you, but that you do anyway. And on top of that you do it out of a fear of not being ‘liked’ or ‘approved ‘ of.
If you’ve had that queasy feeling in your stomach when you’ve unwillingly taken on work to appease a colleague or a boss, or you’ve agreed to an extra school activity for your kids that you don’t have time to do, then YOU are in the people pleasing danger zone⚡?
Being a People Pleaser IS bad for your health
By engaging in behaviours that do not benefit you, you are wreaking havoc on your personal confidence and even on your health. Research shows that feelings of disempowerment, vulnerability, and resentment can lead to low self-esteem and even stress-related illnesses such as anxiety and depression.
So why do you do it?
Like many behaviours you carry into adulthood, they are rooted in your childhood and adolescent experiences. Perhaps you were punished at school for speaking out? Maybe you were pushed out of the teenage ‘in crowd’, when you stood up for what you wanted instead of what benefitted someone else? These memories are so powerful that they haunt us, but if you want to stop that queasy feeling then it’s time box them up and bid them farewell!
What can I do to STOP people pleasing?
At Genderbuzz® we want you to live your most successful life, which is why we designed our Smart Woman Inc. coaching program, to teach you exactly the kind of positive behaviours you need. We’d ❤ for you to sign up here, but to keep you going in the meantime, here are our Top 3 tips to help you NIX your people pleasing today.
Top Tip No. 1 Focus on being ‘decent’ rather than being ‘nice’
Being decent means doing your fair share at work or at home and respecting your contribution on the SAME level as anyone else’s. Your aim should be to deliver your work WITHIN your job role, and deliver it well and on time. By taking this approach you will gain the RESPECT of your co-workers and managers.
If you’re being ‘nice’ you are actually displaying the behaviours of someone with low self- esteem; someone who doesn’t believe they have the capacity to be respected for their skills and instead tries to curry favour with others. Our solution – display high self-esteem behaviours and stop being ‘nice’
Top Tip No. 2 – Do YOURSELF Justice
If you strive to be a decent person, you will de-facto strive to be fair and ‘just’ to others, because that’s what being decent means. However, if you want to NIX your inner people pleaser, Justice MUST ALWAYS start with YOURSELF. Use your internal ‘fairness’ compass and only agree to what you feel is ‘just’ for you.
Top Tip No. 3 – SET out your new improved personality product with immediate effect
Ok, so you may have been stuck in your people-pleasing mode for years but that doesn’t mean you can’t change your behaviour with immediate effect. Think of this exercise as a RE-DISPLAYING of your personality just like a new product in a store. When someone asks you to do something you don’t think is ‘just’, make your first sale and let them know that you’re not able to do what they asked. People may be surprised at your new-found tone but after the initial shock, the same people will respect you for re-buffing them?
We hope you found these tips useful, and if you have little wobbles along the way remember the Genderbuzz® Mantra:
‘Being respected is more important than being nice’
Do you need to learn more skills like this? Go here and enquire about our Smart Woman Inc. success courses today and ramp up your life skills!